


Tell Me It’ll All Be Alright

by firetruckyeah



Category: Men's Football RPF
Genre: Angst and Feels, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, M/M, Panic Attacks, Protectiveness, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, tw don't read if you're triggered
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-27
Updated: 2020-01-27
Packaged: 2021-02-27 13:34:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,764
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22438039
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/firetruckyeah/pseuds/firetruckyeah
Summary: Paulo ran to changing room as soon as the referee whistled. They lost, they lost against a team that was not doing so good and they did it in such a stupid way. It was like all their improvements, all the hard work of the weeks before were erased and forgotten. And Paulo felt like he was the biggest failure of all.
Relationships: Paulo Dybala/Gonzalo Higuaín
Kudos: 17





	Tell Me It’ll All Be Alright

**Author's Note:**

> What's better than to let all the pain and sadness you feel after an idiotic loss of your team than to wite an angsty fic with your otp? NOTHING. So bear with me. Leave kudos/comments if you like it.  
> Also i changed my [Tumblr url](https://dybain.tumblr.com)

Paulo ran to changing room as soon as the referee whistled. They lost, they lost against a team that was not doing so good and they did it in such a stupid way. It was like all their improvements, all the hard work of the weeks before were erased and forgotten. And Paulo felt like he was the biggest failure of all. His started to shake and it became increasingly hard to breath, he looked down at his hands only to see them trembling. Paulo knew what was happening, he experienced his first panic attack just after he was told that his father died and it had been so bad that his mother had to take him to the hospital because she was scared and didn’t know what to do.

Tears were cascading from his eyes and he felt the familiar urge to throw up and his heart beating too fast inside his chest. Paulo let himself slide against the wall, his legs gave up their job of keeping him up. He failed, he wasn’t able to do what was expected of him, he wasn’t able to do something so simple for a striker. It seemed that everytime he thought that he found his strength he was pulled down deeper and deeper. How could someone even have any trust in him still? He was just waste, a broken toy that life liked to use and then throw away.

His teammates started to come in and Paulo forced himself to act normally, he didn’t want people to have pity for him and treat him like some kind of idiotic baby who wasn’t able to handle stress. Like he said once in an interview he may have been rich and famous, but he also felt so alone in this cold world sometimes. The room was silent, no one had the courage to talk, everyone felt like the high of the last matches popped like a bubble. Paulo slowly walked to the showers, the water ice cold as he tried to punish himself in a way that wouldn’t alarm others. He pulled some locks washing his hair, he welcomed the pain gladly. He deserved it for being a fuck up. His hand found its way to his arm, scratching it subconsciously just where his scars were.

Paulo was so sick of letting down everyone, he knew that he was mediocre at best. He used to believe that if he worked hard enough he could be enough, but now he saw that he was failure from birth. Maybe the voice inside his head was right, he was better off dead. He never meant to be like this…a grave mistake people can't forgive, a filthy stain. Paulo cannot stop the sickness from taking over. It took control and dragged him into nowhere, he knew he couldn't fight it forever. He was sick and tired of it. He was so immersed in his own thoughts that he didn’t register Gonzalo watching him with a worried face.

He didn’t even bother to rinse his hair, so what he got pneumonia? Maybe it was what he deserved for his poor performance. He wanted to curl himself on the hotel’s bed, cry and then sleep until just a little bit before the departure time. He slumped on the first bus seat he could reach and busied himself with staring at his lap. Gonzalo was near him in seconds, he didn’t say anything and settled for brushing his hand against Paulo’s knee in what, he hoped, was a comforting gesture. But Paulo was so distracted by his demons that he barely registered it.

Once he was inside his room Paulo felt shitty again, the nausea was back and so was the stone like feeling in his chest that seemed to stop him from breathing, in addiction he had a migraine forming. He curled in himself tightly, hands clasping the duvet as quiet sobs echoed in the room. In the end the exhaustion after all that happened that day made him fall asleep, his eyes felt heavy and closed themselves on their own will. He woke up not many hours later, the room was still in complete darkness, even if he was tired, puffy eyes, swollen face, sore throat and everything. Paulo reached for his phone, it was 3am and he had several missed calls and texts from his “girlfriend”, family and Gonzalo, probably wondering if he was alright. Paulo wondered why they still bothered to call, to worry, to even care for him.

____________________________

Gonzalo was woken up by a thud just minutes after 3 o’clock. He immediately knew that it came from Paulo’s room, he immediately noticed that his boyfriend was not feeling alright. Gonzalo knew Paulo, he has always known Paulo better than anyone, better than himself sometimes. He slid out of bed and went to gently knock Paulo’s door. No response came. Gonzalo was feeling scared, he knew what Paulo went through, he had seen the way in him. He had seen the way Paulo’s jeans seem to be looser on him, he noticed the lip caught between teeth, he noticed Paulo hiding his body away under loose t-shirts.

His heart stops when he hears the familiar sound of retching and a familiar groan of pain. “Paulo?” He asked, almost tentatively. There was a long pause. “Gonzalo?” He heard the door unlock. “I’m coming in” Gonzalo pushed the door open, the sight from the bathroom made him gasp. Paulo leant against the wall to stabilize himself, vomit in the corner of his mouth. However, it was the vomit still clinging to his fingers that makes Gonzalo’s chest ache. “What happened?” Paulo voice was hoarse, his eyes wide, his pupils were dilated. “I just felt sick..“  
“Pau“ Gonzalo whispered, his hand ghosted over Paulo’s. He tried to ignore the flinch, how hard Paulo felt against him

Paulo leant his face against Gonzalo’s chest, tears falling down his cheek, his hands fell to his stomach. He looks tiny, almost fragile, like he might break at any moment. The purple circles dark under Paulo’s eyes almost like bruises, like the darkness curling inside him. Paulo’s face was pale, his lips red by how hard he had bitten them. Gonzalo then spotted something that made him freeze, there was a smear of red on Paulo’s long sleeved tee, just over his wrist. Gonzalo gently pulled up his sleeve, his eyes fell on a still bloody cut, a thin horizontal line that decorated Paulo’s golden skin. The older took a deep breath, he should have checked on Paulo sooner, before he felt so bad that he relapsed.

“Oh Amor” Gonzalo whispered. He took Paulo’s hand, pressing a soft kiss to the cut. Paulo was crying harder than before, his other hand curling around Gonzalo’s middle, pressing them closer. “I-I’m sorry Gonzalo, I promised you I wouldn’t do it again, but it hurt too much a-and it didn’t stop.” Gonzalo felt his heart clench. “Shhh, Amor. You have nothing to be sorry for, I know it’s hard and if there’s someone who should feel guilty it’s me, I vowed to protect you.” He kissed the younger’s temple. Paulo’s fingers lingered on his arm, Gonzalo kissed him lightly on the lips. Paulo just smiled, but his smile was plastered on, it looked fake, it looked forced. Gonzalo was focused on him, on how fragile he looked, he hated it.

He bit his lip as brown eyes gaze into his green ones. Paulo looked tired, dead tired, his hair was mussed. It had hurt Gonzalo to see him like this. He watched Paulo’s eyes skim over the cut on his wrist, they looked hurt, almost destroyed. Paulo smiled at him, his smile was fake. It had hurt Gonzalo, it had hurt to see Paulo fall apart. “H-hurts, everything hurts, Gonzalo m-make it stop.” Paulo whispered. He looked even more broken if it were possible, his eyes looked like all the light had been extinguished from them. Gonzalo hugged him tightly as if to pull the other into him and protect him from the world.

Paulo fell on his knees, he kept on repeating that he was in pain. Gonzalo slowly levelled himself at his level. “Focus on me Amor, can you look at me? Yes just like this sweetheart, you’re doing so good. I’m here and I won’t let anyone or anything hurt you, you’re safe Paulo.” The younger’s breath slowed down. “Can’t get up, too tired.” He let out in a shaky voice. Gonzalo put one of his hands under the other’s legs, the other under Paulo’s butt and he picked him up, positioning him on the bed. Paulo whimpered when the older’s hand left his body, Gonzalo smiled tenderly at him.

“I won’t leave you, don’t worry Pap.” He searched for some bandages in Paulo’s bad, he knew that he always brought some with him. He gently cleaned the cuts he found on the younger and put some clean gauze on them. 

Paulo winced and hissed bit during the cleaning process, the cuts stung like fire. Gonzalo helped him getting under the warm duvet, their hands never leaving each other. After they were both comfortable enough Paulo glued himself to the older, his head on Gonzalo’s chest, hands intertwined and one leg thrown over his. “Paulo I don’t want you to feel pressured into promise me something, I don’t want you to feel guilty over something regarding me. But I want you to know that whenever you feel things are becoming worse you can come to me. I will always be here with you. Words cannot describe what I wanna say to you, Amor.” Paulo tightened his grip on Gonzalo’s hand, the older continued talking. 

“If I could be your mirror you could see through my eyes, what a beautiful sight you are right in front of me. All those beautiful lies that you never believe Amor, they are true, I'd show it all to you. You're incredible, such a work of art, a little bit of heaven just the way you are Pap. If I could make you see just what you are to me…let yourself be loved because you deserve it all.” He kissed the top of Paulo’s head as he caressed his back. “I love you so much, Gonzalo. You’re my saviour. Te amo.” Paulo said tiredly. “Do not fear anything I will be by your side, Amor. I am watching over you, I am your warrior.” Paulo’s sleep was free from nightmares that night, thanks to his knight in shining armour.


End file.
